I think I lost all my health insurance cards. Not so hot, Bob, not so hot.

Turns out, my girlfriend makes a goddamn good alfredo sauce. Three years together, and I never knew.

Hope Your Dreams Come True - Daisy Chainsaw
Anaconda - Melvins
I Saw Her Again - The Mamas and the Papas
My Best Friend's Girl - The Cars
Welcome Aboard It's Love - Steel Pole Bath Tub

Dear Savage Dik -

She turned into Shelly Long and they bought a house.

The AV Club
It's Like A Submarine Filled With Crack

It's a way we have over here for living with ourselves. We throw kids out into a brutal and uncaring world, and give them an Elmo. It is a lie. And the more I see them, the more I hate lies.

That much I absolutely did notice. It was pretty obvious they were fudging at least a bit with regard to maneuverability, fuel, and distances. I was able to tune it out easily enough, though.

I've lost all tolerance for Woody Allen.

Can I come over?

Welp, there you go.

Did anyone say it was censorship?

That helps. Do you have any opinion/info about the orientation of the actors planet-wise, though? Only because I'm curious.

I give The Money Pit two weeks.

Okay, here's a legitimate question I have about one of his complaints - is the debris in the movie moving east-west or west-east?

It seemed to me the filmmakers neatly sidestepped this whole issue by having her wear a helmet most of the time, and having her hair sweat-glued to her head the rest of it.

He pointed out that while there are some spectacular specimens on record, great white sharks only average about 14 feet in length.

Well, I heard that Carl Sagan was a crystal meth addicted wife beater.

Yes. The Tyson Sphere, for those of you who don't know, is an enormous spherical structure constructed out of a million pedantic complaints that completely surrounds and absorbs all the fun produced by a movie.

*clears throat