Couldn't go cold turkey, my friend. And nu Disqus isn't THAT bad. Also, I was getting so much work done, I didn't want my company to set that level of productivity as the status quo.

I was a little kid in the 80's and scared absolutely shitless about nuclear war. For some reason my parents let me watch The Day After Tomorrow and I still have nightmares about it, 25+ years later. A few years ago I was going through boxes in my parent's basement and found a "first aid" book, probably from when I was…

I'm sick and fucking tired of people downvoting longtime commentators who are nicer through anonymous avatars on the internet than most people are in real life, like Scrawly and K.Thrace. You ladies, and many of the dudes here are awesome, don't let these downvotes get you down.

Yea, I'm going to cut back on the commenting a bit, but I couldn't quit cold turkey. I was gettin' the shakes!

NOT JEANINE!

That's a Paul Scheer-ism I picked up from his podcast. I was just being a bit silly, dig? I don't think I could say that irl with a straight face.

With the popularity of garbage like 50 Shades, I was thinking of writing erotic dom/sub semi-fiction. But I don't think soccer moms would be on board for real sexuality and craziness. What's the male equivalent of "inner goddess?"

I can't quit you, @Dikachu:disqus.

Oh yea, totally boasting (and oversharing). But, I really do think if you're comfortable enough to fuck someone, you should be comfortable enough to talk to them - especially because it often leads to great sex and great experiences. If I never straight up asked the lady I was talking about above what really gets her…

Almost every woman I've ever dates initiated pretty frequently - maybe even more so than I did. I always figured that was the norm with many ladies in their 20's in this day and age. This ain't the 50's, man! We don't sleep with brooms between us anymore!

Hey ladies…

I am! Thanks Lurky!

Is that a really strange thing to find sexy,? because I find her tone, or something, crazy hot. I'm fucking weird.

Sarah Silverman and June Diane Raphael might be my perfect fantasy threesome, for real. I decided I wanted to fuck the shit out of June based on voice and sense of humor alone, sight unseen, after listening to her and Paul Scheer's podcast. Seriously, she could look like Lisa Lampanelli and I'd still hit it. Paul is a…

My feets are rotting off! Thanks Krokidil. *gives thumbs up, thumb flops off*

No lie. A guy was really, really harassing the girlfriend of one of my friends. We found him out at a bar and I hit him in the knee with a lug wrench when he was leaving and told him I was coming for his teeth next time. He apparently was Mr. Professional the rest of the time she worked there. I did have the…

I was in "management" in a steakhouse. When the owner found out about talk about unionizing (really a couple of college stoner busboys and servers who had, apparently, just read Marx for the first time incoherently ranting to other stoned busboys about "rising up), he had a meeting and gave a presentation on the…

Man, you know how to party, @avclub-22eda830d1051274a2581d6466c06e6c:disqus

I used to "day drink" all the fucking time! It wasn't amazeballs. In fact, the term my friends used was "Joe is about to get fucking hostile" Totes not adorbs.

I really like that 'Royals' single, I might have to check out the album.