Jeez man it's Friday we're trying to talk about bazongas

You had me at "and then something happens"

As the saying goes, hindsight is always the best policy

Feeling lazy last night, I watched both The Office and Up All Night.

As a friend to neither of you, I want to make it clear that Parks has the best cold opens, by far, and that this intervention sounds fun what can I bring

Shit, I only have a couple sweet, sweet guyliner-appropriate years left!

Captain D Deezy
You rap and it comes easy
But you broke the only rule
Of rapping, you fool:

Can I interest you in a tasty Subway sandwich?

Oklahoma gets my vote

It didn't hit the dizzying heights of the last two episodes

I'll be damned if I'm not using "suspect is hatless" in normal conversation from now on

I chased that motherfucker for miles, out of self defense!

16 Pregnant Cops: Jersey Shore

If having cats and being drunk is wrong, I don't want to be right

I've done my part!

I have five bucks, what kind of sweeping social change can I get with that

The kids in school said I was too dumb and ugly to ever read an article by Sean O'Neal about Bully finally getting a PG-13 rating

For the last time, Canada is not an ocean and Canadians aren't pirates

Yeah I was hoping for more "North Cafeteria"-style hijinks

Old / near death CMOS batteries remember for a couple hours without power