It's my one ygritte that she had only one life to give for her country.

I'd like to open a restaurant and call it Thank You For Calling, How May I Help You?, that way when people answer the phone, they have to say "Thank you for calling Thank You For Calling, How May I Help You? How may I help you?"

…and the question is "How does your mom get into her place of business?"

Heavens to Betsy, I've invented a praying machine!

I thought they just braided it and stopped washing it, and it was called the Dred' Wedding.

They all seem a little impolite.

My girlfriend says Girlfriend is Better is better.

His comment is what is and never should be.

That's exactly how I feel. Nobody does it better. John Oliver's HBO show has been really good, so that is some small consolation.

3 minutes max…tell that to Beethoven.

Kramer vs. Kramer was another movie about a custody battle. But you know what it lacked? Arm wrestling.

Adam Sandler
Not accting, dammit!

Damn you beat me to it! Well done ser!

Yeah he could be alive still, like Britney Spears in that "harvest" episode of South Park. EDIT: dammit, @sant beat me to it in this thread!

I have to say, present day Janet is very attractive.

I think you're Lion.

Nelly actually made an energy drink called Pimp Juice…because he forgot that in his song "Pimp Juice" meant jizm.

People called Romanes, they go to the house?

I have the same thing with my last name in real life. My last name is easy to spell (it's phonetic and only 6 letters long), but people are always messing it up. So I totally appreciated his dickish reaction to his name being misspelled.

Also, let's not denigrate an entire race of people while missing the entire point of the joke. White people are not so bad.