He's just a big ol' liar. There's not a man on earth who has never tried to suck his own cock.

A Møøse once bit my sister.

You expect me to believe that's a phrase used by anyone?

R. Kelly taught Trump this maneuver: twitter.com/chaensaw/status…

Like cooking and rearing children!

Just how old are you?

A forewoman can.

Speaking of experts in body horror: twitter.com/chaensaw/status…

So much glitter. Please put this on President Trump's watchlist so he can be confused by all the sparkles.

Speaking of taxpayers, this is what Trump thinks of them: twitter.com/chaensaw/status…

Very true! It is definitely and certainly Dikachu's twitter account I reference every time.

I'm so fucking late this time, and relax, ya dagger, you love it: twitter.com/chaensaw/status…

OK, but c'mon. Please don't be a "Why is Trump X on my favorite website that's not related to politics?" guy.

Her kids are dickholes. They just look nice at the country club for Sunday Brunch.

I'm not sure I've ever called her a bitch… er…

Deepak Chopra?

I feel like six months into this clown show presidency, this kind of dumbass dismissal of literally the craziest thing the industrialized world has ever witnessed is the last thing said by the dumbest dumdums who ever failed an IQ test.

I love hiking, but I hate wine. That's why I can't get laid on Tinder.

I'm pushing 40, and while I have no desire to ever get married again, if random shit happened and it was decreed by the universe, I suppose I would go ahead and do it again. With that said, and maybe it might have something to do with my age and the fact I already have kids, if the hypothetical woman in this scenario…

This is still Donald Trump's nickname in the locker rooms (it's just locker room talk and all): https://www.vlasic.com/asse…