Tell them the truth. It doesn't matter that it's before noon. Wear your alcoholism with pride!

What's the dill, Pickle?

Oh, not only are you a kid, but you're a stupid kid.

Are you 12? You're 12, aren't you? I'll talk you through this if you're 12.

I care.

NAWT AHN MEY HOYOUSE!

Oh, c'mon. You can't be serious, can you?

My first comment was going to be about Rashy (that's my pet name for her - she kinda likes it).

HBO: Howmany Bad O(I)deas can we put on TV?

I believe you're the first to post anything.

But still no bacon.

Dude, I live in Houston. Traditionally "Italian" food is based off Mexican and Chinese food. Italian food prior to Marco Polo looked the same as any other Mediterranean food. It was lots of lamb, fish, pitas and goat cheese. Noodles came from China. Tomatoes came from Mexico. I got Vietnamese (second largest…

I AM SO GONNA RAGE ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET

And then he was like, "WTF is going on over there? Why's Gal holding up the line?"

My eldest daughter ate a Michelangelos (or whatever the name is) instant TV dinner wagonwheel and cheese for dinner tonight (because I'm a good parent).

this gives one hope

I'd be fine with giving up all other meats but pork. I used to think it was beef because of hamburgers, but now I'm all "nah." Certain cuts of pork are as versatile as chicken, others have a taste and texture similar to the best cuts of beef and then there's ham and bacon. Also, a cubano is impossible without pork,…

RIGHT?!

Wait… If I'm understanding you straight, you're saying that not all women want to fuck me?

Yeah, but when it's the latter, the apology afterwards always sounds so disingenuous.