You just ruined the surprise for everyone, general.

About 350?

Speaking of wodka. The man who owns the liquor store I frequent tried to sell me 160 proof wodka yesterday.

I've always wanted to see a Gallagher biopic starring the cast from The Blair Witch Project 2: This Time It's Personal.

It was, but it got a little iffy when the lead gargoyle and the human lady consummated their relationship on screen. Talk about some rock hard love, am I right? I'm right.

God, "Duck Tales" was the fucking best. They don't make 'em like they used to.

I'm having a similar problem, General. I can't stop thinking about what she'd look like with a crooked bicycle helmet and, oddly, it's kind of hot.

I miss the cartoon
Anyone else miss the cartoon "Gargoyles?" No? Okay then.

Hm…

My parents did a similar thing when I was growing up, except they just let me get arrested to learn the lesson for myself.

Zack Morris ran track?

No, I think a new staffer should write about Arrested or The Wire each and every year until the end of time.

I wouldn't say you're an alcoholic unless you're drunk right now. Are you drunk? If not, why not?

I applaud your lethargic attitude, Bucky and wish more around here would take that sort of initiative.

Wait, were they waiting 15 minutes for someone to come over to them? Or were they waiting 15 minutes for the food after they had already ordered? If the first one, I don't blame them, 15 minutes is a long time to sit and not have a waiter/waitress come over to your table and acknowledge your existence (but, they were…

Dane Cook hosting the Oscars?

Well…

[TEARS UP]

ZING!

The real question is: Is Bob Hat Poopjohnson?