Because Penelope Cruz sounds so much better in Spanish than English.

Yeah, great job on the Airplane! reference, Dr. Acula. Why didn't I think of that?

My ears are ringing. Is someone talking about me?

Justin Timberlake and John Mayer.

Auto-Recycler
My Av Club Content Auto-Recycler-O-Matic is currently displaying the Inventory entry "15 Pop Songs Owned By Movie Scenes," which includes the Inna Gadda Da Vida scene from Manhunter. Coincidence, or is the Auto-Recycler not so "auto", and actually bases itself on the content of the article?

King Shit doesn't sound like a great title, but consider the fact that he rules over a place called "Fuck Mountain". I'd say on balance it's a good thing.

Plus, who doesn't love seeing a trashy tabloid journalist turned into a flaming wheelchair comet?

Ray Lewis is neither stab-happy nor a d-lineman. He is a linebacker who knows how to keep his mouth shut about his stabby friends.

I barely remember this guy in Heat, but I think it's funny that both Noonan and the actor that played the killer in Silence of the Lambs are in that movie. I'd love to see a movie where Buffalo Bill and The Tooth Fairy square off against each other (my money's on Noonan).

Are you sure you're not confusing it with the McLoofah, Orderic?

Tyra's suffereing severe shell-shock. She thinks she's Ethel Merman.

All-time favorite sports injury: Scott Stevens laying out Eric Lindros. He looked so peaceful as his unconscious body slid across the ice…like a puppy dreaming about chasing butterflies through an open field.

I only knew him as That Guy From The Mamet Movies. I had no idea about the magic or any of the other stuff. He is indeed awesome. I'd definitely check out Rogue's Gallery if it comes to NYC (if it hasn''t already passed through).

I banish you to the land of wind and ghosts!

Steven Seagal eats 2 Chuck Norrises for breakfast every morning and shits out three of The Most Interesting Man In The World before lunch.

A cologne made of Bill Clinton's DNA should be pretty cheap to produce. You can pick up some of that just about anywhere.
(I know you're reading this, Mr. Leno. I'm still waiting for that response to my resume).

Elvis was a hero to most, but he smelled like shit to me.

Concentration. The alluring new scent from Hitler. The last liquid you'll ever have to spray on yourself… the final solution, you might say.

Yeah, I have a tough time taking anything Bill Simmons says seriously after this article. Colin Cowherd is the guy you single out as the voice of reason on sports radio!?! Colin Cowherd is a poor man's Jim Rome… and Jim Rome is already a poor man's Jim Rome.

COMING UP NEXT, OPRAH HAVE BOOK CLUB RECOMMENDATION: RED OCHRE PAINTING OF ELK ON SIDE OF CAVE (BY MITCH ALBOM).