He probably would have just tea-bagged him.

Hey, if he didn't have that gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants, and start shoving you around. Do you want that? Huh? Do you?

Seems like a bit of a stretch to turn this into a political disucssion, but I suppose there is a lesson to be learned here about the far-reaching consequences of war. Events like these serve as a constant reminder that war should always be a last defensive resort, not a preemptive tool for overseas transformation,…

Won't someone think of the kids?

My internal Big Lebowski quote generator is unsure whether to go the "Chinaman" or "pederast" route here…

The proper retort is "your mom doesn't count," Travis. Jeez, being a TomWaits troll used to mean something around here. There were certain standards.

Jon Favreau and Katherine Heigl thought a Chappaquiddick vacation would be the solution to all their marital troubles, but things take a turn for the hilarious whne they hitch a ride with Ted Kennedy…

And I would have thrown a "C'moniwannalaya" joke into her "Man & Wife & Hawaii" description… but that's why she's the Hater and I'm dying a little bit more inside each day at this dead end desk job.

Thicke + Boner = Growing Pains.

Just wait until Dirk Benedict's lawyer gets wind of this.

Ed Hardly is my favorite Ed Hardy knockoff brand.

At last, I can order coogi jeans without paying extra for the insurance! I'm tired of having to carry my own liability policy for pants.

A snuke perhaps, Lupin?

That skull is one tatooed rose away from being on one of Jon Gosselin's Ed Hardy t-shirts.

What an evel thing to do to me. I'm no Joe Wilson - I'm very gullible.

It should have been called
Showgirls IV: A New Hope

The First Amendment still applies in Hawaii, doesn't it? How did they ban a phrase?

Just to clarify, I'd be in favor of that.

Is "only time will tell"
your "cautiously optimistic", Sean? Will all the AVC writers have their own Newswire sign-off from now on?

I still don't understand why SNL doesn't bring back Melanie Hutsell just to play Nancy Grace. Talk about being born to play somebody (well, her and Tori Spelling).