She's back! And not a moment too soon… Leonard Cohen was trying to steal your "faint dead away" schtick.

I was hoping they'd cast Kimbo Slice in that role.

He's named after the smooth, chocolaty drink you need to spike in order to get him to go up in an airplane.

Is Gwynyth Paltrow renaming movies now?

Domita! I thought you was gonna play with MY frog!

And what of Crazy-Eyes Killer?

You could very convincingly portray an egomaniacal sports figure yourself, Diabeetus, what with all the third-person self-referencing.

Shhhh! If you say "Daredevil" a third time, Ben Affleck will appear and rape your Marvel-Comics-loving childhood!

White or black when she someone eat it?

I was doing the Jeff Buckley version. Totally different.

We remain, as always, cautiously optimistic.

It worked for me when it first came out, but I'm a much more jaded and cynical person these days (at least in terms of my evaluation of entertainment). I wonder how I'd react to it now.

She still has that "Ewww - this tastes sour!" look throughout the movie though.

So he's OK?
Hallelujah.

The AV Club should have a contest where you can win that honor. Better yet, they should auction off the opportunity for charity.

I guess it depends on how you define "out of circulation". He's definitely not going to be a fixture on the club circuit from here on out, but it shouldn't keep him off the internet.

I haven't even seen that yet, and I already can't picture Michael Douglas in any other way. I'm picturing him in the new Wall Street remake (reboot/whatever it is) screaming "greed is FAAAAAAB-ULOUS!"

So is ONeal "The Lover", or that Norse God commenter who's been stalking Amelie more recently?

A healthy birth should only take you out of circulation for a few days (I mean for the father obviously). He's been gone too long. Maybe he's on vacation. Hope all is well in Von Salsa land.

Also, I think it's time to bring back witches. I'm getting bored with spanking it to the same 6 reruns of Charmed.