He should go on Leno
"So, Mr. President, what would your dead mother think of your Nazi-socialist death panels?"

If that's even his real name! Have you seen a birth certificate? I haven't. He could be impersonating YOU right now for all you know!

We don't need no got-damn healthcare reform. We just need more Liberty National to treat the diabeetus.

Agreed. I'm not interested in any hip-hop skit that doesn't end with "deez nuuuuuts!"

Top 10 reasons why YOU LIE!

Would you, Pete? Aw man, you're a lifesaver!

Aw, crap.
I'd love to see Eugene, but my daughter's birthday party is on Sunday. Stupid daughter.

You sadistic bastard
You had this review written and ready to go days ago, didn't you… but you had to get your KFC double-down review out there first!

And when will one of these chains finally sate America's insatiable hunger for turducken?

Dude eats a lot of Grape Nuts, and they go mostly undigested. I'd fear that sock.

Popeye's is the one with great biscuits I think.

The Colonel's Sauce
If we're talking about Colonel Angus, I'm all over that. I always find that Col. Angus produces amazing sauce.

I would like to think I'm only marginally douchey, but if am, it's probably more attributable to the four years I spent going to college in PA.

And here I thought we had already exhausted the whole "which male rocker does lesbian Top Chef contestant Ashley resemble" argument in the Top Chef coments.

Yeah, I thought he handled (dodged) that question very diplomatically. Clearly (as much as I love Maxwell's) the answer is just "no, there is no NJ scene".

Yeah, I'm a little confused by seeing Muse hated on here. I've been known to knock Amelie from time to time for choosing easy targets, but now I kind of feel like it's more fun to see her attack things that are universally hateworthy. Muse? Even the people I know who don't like Muse would put them in the "meh"…

Are you at the tax protests in D.C. by any chance, Kreskin?

Wallace Shawn in a Michael Moore movie? Inconceivable!

WARNING: FAMILY GUY REFERENCE. PROCEED AT OWN RISK

He was great in Fletch.