He was sexy. There. I said it, and I ain't ashamed of it.

Clearly this douche should be recalled. It's red and pasty.

Oh…didn't realize he was a dick sandwich in real life. That's a letdown.

I remember seeing footage of Dustin Hoffman doing a Robert Evans impression, but I can't remember where. He just went on and on in a stream-of-consciousness rant and it was great.

Oh, no. No, no, no. :(

The camera mounted on the ceiling fan in the kitchen is really gonna take the thrill out of the furniture rearranging itself.

Or Pet Sematary. That damn Pascow with his exposed brain and his dead eyes.

Why errbody gotta hate on Craig T. Nelson?

Just a lame Sopranos joke that me and probably only one other person get.*

Get a load of Happy Go Lucky Roosevelt of the Hyde Park Roosevelts ovah heah.

He took something sacred like Oprah's breasts and made them propane.

That episode always has my sister and me dying. It's brilliant.

I thought that was the joke — Martin is an average Joe and "culturally illiterate", as Douay-Rheims-Challoner says, but he can knock Niles and Frasier down a peg or two with his own brand of wit whenever it's needed.

I had a similar experience once, except it was almond-stuffed olives with little bits of garlic in the brine. Who are the angels that conceive of these things?

Go the Louis CK route and keep going back to stuff your face, but pretend you're just seeing the cookies for the first time.

What the fuck was he on when he wrote Insomnia?

Yeah, like when they leave you in there for two days while they gamble? And that was back before we had the luxury of iPads and Kindles, too.

How do you wield cleavage? Boobs don't detach, you know, usually.

I love Heat so much. I sneaked into the movies to see that when I was 11.* Sat in the front row, too, so now I only have 70% of my hearing!

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