More like "cummings distractions" [staunchly refuses to add amiright!?]

Obama's likely position on being one's own grandmother: against.

Obama's likely position on being one's own grandmother: against.

Romney's likely position on being one's own grandmother: against.

Romney's likely position on being one's own grandmother: against.

I'm holding out for the audio book based on the screenplay, which I presume will be read by Christopher Walken.

I'm holding out for the audio book based on the screenplay, which I presume will be read by Christopher Walken.

Duh… that's why he got the part.

Duh… that's why he got the part.

This is getting exponentially weirder.

This is getting exponentially weirder.

Are these powers to change liquids into solids consistent with the laws of thermodynamics? If not, I shall bid her good-day. Perhaps I shall consult a clergyman.

Are these powers to change liquids into solids consistent with the laws of thermodynamics? If not, I shall bid her good-day. Perhaps I shall consult a clergyman.

You can't believe everything Apple Maps tells you.

You can't believe everything Apple Maps tells you.

Don't worry! I have reason to believe those carrots may be Photoshopped.

Don't worry! I have reason to believe those carrots may be Photoshopped.

8th grade! He must be one of those elitist, liberal types. [shifts eyes back and forth across room]

8th grade! He must be one of those elitist, liberal types. [shifts eyes back and forth across room]

[GEORGE "MEADOWLARK" LEMON MISSES THE RIMSHOT]