I think I was happier with my life not knowing that "Facebook credits" are a thing that exists.

This warms my cold hipster heart.

And don't stare at me. You got the Beady Eyes.
Liam? Sorry about the Beady Eyes thing. I'll be in my office.

Should I find a job by then, I'll be attending the SF show, too. "The Knot" was one of my favorites of 2009. I've only listened to "Civilian" once through, but boy does it seem like they take everything that made "The Knot" great and do it even better on this one.

I'm not sure why, but suddenly I have an undeniable craving for Smartwater!

Tom Waits for Snowman made it to 10,000 is half the time it took me to get to 5,000. He was the champion of posting on every article.

Also: That was my 5,000th post, everybody! Join me in a celebratory toast to having wasted my life!

I just assumed warlocks always spoke in Latin. Seems redundant to me.

I miss the pointless montages
There. I said it. But let's be honest: A rousing, well-edited mash-up of clips that make me go, "Oh, yeah, I loved that movie, too!" is a heckuva lot better than whatever it was they were doing this year, i.e. have the hosts randomly offer some rambling praise for "Gone with the Wind"…

All the way to Franco (you're gonna be a star).

That's what you think. Franco has transcended overexposure and turned it into a meditation the human need for validation.

He's got cigarettes where there were supposed to be eyes!

Can't you read?

We're trapped. It's either the show or us. There's no way out. What can we do, blow up the theatre?

"ME AM THE LAW!"

The Bends? Fuck that shit. Now "Nitrogen Nacrosis"—there's an album title!

SAPLINGS, BITCHES!

Temporary hush money is the best kind of hush money.

Pay no attention. This is just an cookie monster.

Franco is going to have to up the winning if he wants to dominate Sheen in this newswire. Looks like somebody didn't have the next step in human evolution all sewn up after all!