Aw, did that offend your delicate white sensibilities?

Thanks for the comment. I don't think I've ever refrained from laughing so hard in my life.

Wow, that is just fucking fascinating, Lexicondevil. You and Noel Murray should get together and bore the fucking shit out of each other. First with your self-absorbed, dull-as-hell stories about shit that happened to you that nobody in the world could possibly give a fuck about. Then with power-drills.

I'm guessing she already sees it, but, despite her barely-concealed contempt, is just too lazy to divorce you.

I'm sure you could relate on every level. Aside from the actually-having-someone-interested-in-you part.

Damn, this was almost as funny as that other post of yours that I didn't read.

Yeah, and you still fucking HAVE IT. "IT" being your virginity.

There is, however, a woeful shortage of long-winded, self-absorbed, Zach-Braffian douchebags who pontificate about romantic comedies from the fifties and golly-gee-whiz endlessly about their other dorky, girlish interests. Thanks for filling the void there, Lexicondevil. We all look forward to the next…

I imagine the false hope it gives that fat, standoffish dumb-asses can find love too was particularly crushing to you.

Hey, congratulations, Mr. Culture! You've heard of Audrey Hepburn! And my gosh, that courageous stand against Saturday Night Live! Somebody should pin a fucking medal on your eyeball.

"One of my alltime favorite movies—in which love becomes the thing that makes life not just worthwhile but real."

These movie selections are brought to you by…

And I bet every time *you* go out to dinner in Racine, Wisconsin, the hostess at Applebee's says, "Just one tonight?"

Way to be susceptible to propaganda, dumb-ass. This guy is a hack fucking idiot and so are you.

Shut up, bitch. Speak when spoken to.

Reminds me of this time I was out at this club on the Cape with my good friend Kevin (that's Kevin Connolly). Rolled up in the Benz and saw this bitch who looked just like Kelli Garner. Fuck, for all I know, she WAS Kelli Garner, but I didn't bother getting her name. I told her, "You know what's up." And she did. …

You know something, dickhead, if you died, I'd go to the funeral and tell everybody what a fucking idiot you were.

You couldn't get lucky in a fucking coma ward if you tried.

Fuck Phish and fuck you. You deserve to get fleeced.

Why do people illegally download pornography when you're out there sucking dick for a quarter?