I wish you would run for President and win.

I had stomach flu in first grade. Man, I miss that!

I'm unclear why anybody tolerates this song or Journey. It's as good a reason as any to strike up civil war.

A thousand times yes. I'm still eager for an asexual Inuit Green Lantern, but I think all the other combinations have been done by now, and not very well.

He also wrote it on a pizza box in about five minutes to prove a point. Unfortunately, the best satire is taken seriously.

I swear I remember someone fourteen years ago declaring "Drops of Jupiter" the most emotionally stirring song ever, but I can't find the quote. It's always stuck with me as the epitome of poor taste.

I was almost to the end when I realized this is a different song from "Hey [There] Delilah." Gun to my head, I think I have more respect for Plain White T's songs than Train songs. Yecch.

I spent five seconds wondering in what universe Pansy Division is rockabilly before having a good laugh.

I was reading the above lyrics, and as I again mentally changed them to "I'd rather dine with you than give you control," I abruptly remembered I have never been a typical nineties alternative fan.

I grew up under the impression John Glenn, Glenn Miller, and Glen Campbell were the same person, so I relate.

I don't wish him ill, but I can't figure out why anybody pays attention to his stuff. He's like if Aqua were a single person and American.

Holmes had little tolerance for the mule theory.

This is some elaborate joke, yes?

Same here. I'm vaguely aware of Will Smith.

("Downtown Train" is Tom Waits.)

I assume no one's going to try to defend Company.

I'm sure it's turned up in bargain bins, and they're better versions.

Headdesk.

I looked it up, not for the first time:

They could do a better job vetting people.