Last year I had the startling realization that I could no longer taste pumpkin spice flavored beer. Even the best just tasted like shitty, over-carbonated light beer. I hope my tongue got that shit figured out for this season.

To my knowledge, no one on my team punched any woman this summer. I think that should come with an automatic playoff berth, since it seems to be so hard to accomplish.

My take: it doesn't matter if he's actually racist or not in this scenario. What's obvious is plenty in his locker room at least suspect he is, which is what the real problem is.

I find it hard to believe that even in a competition of just Bushes, W was able to place 2nd in the most worthy competition.

And it would be part of a shared Hanna-Barbera cinematic universe, along with a live action, gritty reboot of The Jetsons set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Then you'd be a perfect candidate for Congress!

The point is there is nothing inherently awful about the genre. Much like multi-camera sitcoms, often times the execution is unwatchable, but there's nothing built into either genre that would stop them from being great in the proper hands.

Yep, that's why every woman that has filmed herself having sex has a popular reality show. Wait…

You're Not Clever, You're Just a Greedy Asshole, Internet!

The Tom Brady Story

Well, we used to be called Generation Y, and that was just as fucking stupid.

Make sure to tell Southwest that we all know they are just trying to be cheap fucks with the whole "but you can watch it on your own device!" bullshit. Put a screen in front of my face and stop putting me in B group when I check in exactly 24 hours early!

I have some bad news regarding the founder of Whole Foods for you…

Barack Obama is the charismatic community leader trying to save a failing, corrupt neighborhood of a fictional Midwestern City. A series of mass shootings in the city, that at first appear random, are eventually traced back to the controversial socialist Muslim mosque, where this supposedly Christian community leader…

Because no one has actually accused Louis of anything yet, I don't think we need to be in a rush to judge him. I hope it's not true, but if it is, absolutely he should be strung up (metaphorically speaking) for being a piece of shit. If your worst involves sexual and/or physical abuse, yes, that is what you deserve to…

Except there were actual allegations against Cosby from actual accusers. There's way too much smoke around Louis, and I'll be devastated if it's true, but there are almost no similarities between the two.

A liberal would never use a gun. We just buy our seafood from the artisanal fishmonger.

The Onion has not been in great financial shape the last few years, so the sustainability of both, in their peak format, cannot be taken for granted. A lot mightier publications than the AV Club and Onion have folded.

I think I saw something about a Bloomberg's non-profit that Jeb was a part of donating money to Planned Parenthood. Which, as we all know, is American ISIS.

Not only is that serious, it was a response to a question about allowing transgender troops in the military! Meaning…we can't be having no gender experiments going on while the real men are trying to kill shit.