Let me know when you get that guitar license.

Was it supposed to be referencing that guy from Girls Gone Wild's presentation?

They've got the Big Mac, nous avons la Grande Mic.

Dennis Miller is fucked.

That analogy doesn't make any sense, and has little to do with this situation.

Even if Leno had said he would "retire," it's five years down the road, and while I'm sure he would have been fine with leaving NBC and moving to ABC or FOX, he wasn't going to retire, as in, move to Bermuda and live on the beach, when he was still winning the ratings war every night.

I'm sorry, but all of this is premised on the idea that it is Leno's duty to stop working because NBC didn't want to lose Conan. Leno won every night. NBC didn't want Leno to go to a competing network, because, again, he won every night. They decided to put him on earlier, and the same number of people watched Leno in…

I'm not really sure how Jay Leno screwed Conan. His show is awful, but he didn't do anything to Conan.

Jim Gaffigan?

Not having watched the show…
…I can't say for certain, but it reads as though Hootie was referenced mostly because he has a very specific point in the pop culture timeline.

I believe it said "For Thumb Surgery," or something to that effect. Nothing particularly interesting.

He looks like a banana balls.

She died on the way back to her home planet, as I recall.

Also, are these from The Big Book of Gilbert Arenas practical jokes? Ha ha! I ruined everything you own! Ha ha! I made you fall in the tub where you might have cracked your skull open! HILARIOUS.

I basically was going to post the same thing. It was a completely ridiculous story line for anyone that follows "the sports." No one's career is over because they miss one of those meaningless games.

You're the dick.

Steel is culturally biased.

What's the deal with all this commotion?
Big Eddie would like to know.

We owe it to 'em!
You didn't ask him what it was like to coach Penny Hardaway?

Why did you see them in a different light?