"No shit, you can get professional sports team logos on personal checks know?"

"A lot of people don't know it, but the Beyond section really has a bunch of random shit, including all the stuff on this magician's grocery list."

"The script is over there somewhere, but don't worry about that, we'll just wing it."

It's like they make music strictly for car or computer commercials.

"Honey, shield our baby's eyes from what I'm about to do, we don't wanna scar it for life or anything…"

"C'mon, I'm gonna play your son like in instrument for the Hurricane Sandy Comic Relief! Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams assured me it be HILARIOUS!"

"C'mon, I'm gonna play your son like in instrument for the Hurricane Sandy Comic Relief! Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams assured me it be HILARIOUS!"

"Singing in the rain? More like bringing in the PAIN!", (Cruise looks directly at the camera, winks, pummels guy to death) "And no Reach around for you", (Winks at camera again, walks away, stops) "No rain, no pain", (Winks once more) "Are we even still filming?".

"Singing in the rain? More like bringing in the PAIN!", (Cruise looks directly at the camera, winks, pummels guy to death) "And no Reach around for you", (Winks at camera again, walks away, stops) "No rain, no pain", (Winks once more) "Are we even still filming?".

"Well, at least I was able to get a job in Portland…"

"Well, at least I was able to get a job in Portland…"

"Don't worry, don't worry, Katherine Heigl IS in the movie. She plays the bag of soccer balls on my back".

"Don't worry, don't worry, Katherine Heigl IS in the movie. She plays the bag of soccer balls on my back".

"Ahhhh, so this is the food equivalent of Auto-Tune…".

"Ahhhh, so this is the food equivalent of Auto-Tune…".

"For them, this is just some place. For us, this is our home. But before all that stuff, let's get this Facebook cover photo taken while we're all still alive and have these badass guns".

"For them, this is just some place. For us, this is our home. But before all that stuff, let's get this Facebook cover photo taken while we're all still alive and have these badass guns".