Please, everyone - just stop referring to Pear Jam entirely. Leave them to die in their shit-stinky tour van in some Target parking lot outside Palo Alto, with their hats and their intestinal disorders and their noble stands and their unbelievably tedious, maundering drivel about lemon yellow suns and tragic car…

I'm teh sith!
Buttress or dispute this statement in 500 words or less.

@VegetableLasagna: Congratulations! You've won Second Prize.

@ lexicondevil: Do you realize that this would sanctify "let's do lunch?"

@ AngryPaw: Are you referring to Negativland's "U2?" Because a) they're from the US and b) both songs ruled and c) the resulting lawsuit was probably the first formal indication of what a staggeringly loathsome tool Bono is.

Joe Satriani - the most important… [j]oke…in the history of the world…has apparently…settled…for…Gwyneth Paltrow. Coldplay…gave…Paltrow…to Satriani…for…co-writing credit. A fan…made…Cat Stevens…listen…as…the guys in Coldplay…came…on…Kraftwerk. Coldplay denied any wrongdoing…though not in court. Paltrow…

I love you, Spartacus.

Coldplay is to 'suck' as Dyson is to vacuum cleaners - a radical re-imagining that transcends a paradigm so long-dormant as to have become immutable. Coldplay doesn't just suck - Coldplay sucks ingeniously.

Like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of…

During my painfully confused pubertal stage, I frequently played myself off while fantasizing about being trapped on a crowded bus between the Jolly Green Giant and Sprout.

Bears in the park?
That does it - I'm never cruising the McCarren Park Greenmarket for a Grizzly Bear again. When I want a bunch of sinewy knuckles rammed in my ass, that's what I want - NOT Jon fucking GOSSELIN trying to drape his pudgy little Hapa beer-gut on my scalp.

Wasted first.
Nyah, nyah.

"Have you ever delivered a still-born calf? " Yes, I have.

You motherfucker. How DARE you imply that I am so enervated that I would fail to leer inappropriately at a woman - ANY woman - when given the chance? I vote, goddam it!

Blue Thunder was the absolute king of '80's helicopter shows. First of all, it had an unmemorable star. Second of all, it had the same climax in every episode - the helicopter FLIES UPSIDE DOWN! Even though it CAN'T! Just like in the movie! Every episode was an exercise in waiting to see what confluence of…

Violent vomit? Does it lunge acidically into your eyes or something?

@ Beck-insale:

@ Banou & Chico McDirk: