That boy needs therapy, courtesy of Marcus Bachmann!

Stop bragging about your super advanced screening; it makes those of us in remedial screenings feel dumb.

I think the AV Club's typesetter ran out of commas and swapped in semicolons, hoping we wouldn't notice.

Instead of watching the intro, I think I'll get the papers get the papers.

Because to us Yanks, 24 Hours in A&E means a Hoarders marathon.

I PASSED BY A GUY TODAY WHO LOOKED SORT OF LIKE PHIL JACKSON

Nothing shows your love like placing a wager on a man's imminent demise.

It's my understanding that so long as the glove compartment is locked and so are the trunk and the back, the police are unable to search your vehicle without a warrant.

San Francisco already had an Onion print edition, but you guys forgot to feed it for a week and now it lives on a farm with New York, DC, LA, and Grandma.

Sure you can — just grab a pen and go for it.  Your firsties are always successful and nobody ever gives you canceraids.  It's like the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

INVENTORY

Meanwhile, we in Philly have gone over two years without a guy getting beaten to death outside the ballpark.  Take that, Dodgers fans!

I disagree with what you have to say, but will defend to the death your right to use the charmingly archaic "base-balls."

Just remember what your father told you on your wedding day.

In a future episode, they will explain that a wizard did all of these things.

'Cause of the metric system.

Instead, they said "How about we use some dummy off the street to test this dangerous device?"

In all seriousness, though, R.E.M. has a legitimate claim to being my all-time favorite band.  I never listened to current music until I was 12 and wanted to fit in, so I turned to the local rock station and the first song I heard was "Stand."  A little while after that I went to Borders and stood at the listening…

Wow, R.E.M. was still around?  Who cares?  I stopped paying attention in 1985.

I certainly hope this show gets renewed for a second season so that Mandy Patinkin can quit.