Well you see we lanternfish are many. We comprise as much as 65% of deep-sea biomass. There are so many of us that for years oceanographers were confused as to why their sonar would say that the ocean floor had abruptly scattered when something approached it. Turns out when we reflect sonar.

Lanternfish wishes it would have been Jessica Alba instead of Kirsten Dunst. Now that would really play well at 5,000 feet below sea level.

Water pressure can be up to 5850 pounds per square inch here in the bathypelagic zone. Must be messing with the lanternfish brains.

Lanternfish DEMAND a Leno cameo.

Also Lanterfish are demanding that Annie be recast with Anne Hathaway and Troy with Will Smith. And then have them hook up in Annie's low rent apartment.

Hey Chevy from SNL!
Lanterfish don't know about who these other losers are but Chevy Chase has been severely underused as of late.

Oh Lanternfish have many predators, like Deep-sea anglerfish. Those things are scary as fuck. Lanternfish hadn't even considered ocean floor hot vents. Thanks for giving all of us terrible nightmares you tiny dinosaur. This remind lanternfish of the time we had a bad deep sea experience with that Godzilla guy.

Lanternfish could've also seen Warren Beatty in the role. Just somebody we can recognize down here at 5,000 feet below sea level.

Even Lanternfish will tell you that this season and last season have remedied the "one good actor" issue by bringing in absolute ringers for Dex to go against. Not that we know their names. In fact we would have preferred they bring in somebody like Jack Nicholson but hey whatever.

Lanternfish like this casting. Plays well at 5,000 feet below sea level. Although we would prefer to see someone we know instead of this Del Toro guy. Like Adam Sandler. Or George Clooney.

Lanterfish eyes aren't that sharp. We're down here at 5,000 feet below, it really takes some bioluminescence to get us in the mood but we would have settled for an electric blue party girl/former child star.

Jack
Lanternfish first became aware of Jack Nicholson because of his performance in The Shining. To us its a pretty iconic performance. Wish Full Metal Jacket had starred George Clooney though.

Although, Lohan can't even change colors to suit her mood. Lame.

E. coli are anything but rare. And here's one fish that would still cuttle Lindsey Lohan's fish.

Nope. We want the one in the tabloid magazines. People throw them overboard and they sink down to us over time. Brad Pitt is so cute with Jen. I hope they stay together forever.