Wertham, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!

It's never quite clear at what point Phoebe catches on to Helga's crush. She seems to be in the dark during the first season and in the know toward the end of the series, but we never see her actually learn about it. Phoebe's a smart kid, though, so presumably she worked it out on her own from Helga's wobbly behavior…

Well, let's see: family in peril under odd circumstances; more than one life; general air of menace. Yep, checks out, this is definitely a Drax the Destroyer origin story. I assume Dornan will be revealed as Thanos at the climax.

Disappointing. I got no answer from the job I interviewed for, which usually translates to a soft "no" in this day and age. I'm following up with HR, but I'm pretty sure I'm out of luck. So I'll probably be depressed for a while.

It's about two and a quarter hours.

I've seen that animated version. It includes a musical number about the delights of farting. Advantage, cartoon.

Oh, so that's what that was? I've been seeing subway ads for that for weeks, but they were just the title of the show and an overhead shot of some streets. I had no goddam idea what they thought people would glean from that.

Ah yes, the first in the periodic "the role of Daffy Duck will be played by Helga Pataki" episodes. It feels like she must have broken into the boarding house to retrieve embarrassing material three or four times over the course of the show, with consistently slapstick results.

Apparently The Patakis incorporated that notion as backstory. They'd gotten together for a bit, things didn't go smoothly, and Helga was still carrying that torch, though Arnold had moved away (to live with his parents post-Jungle Movie, I'd wager) so as to keep him from stealing the spotlight.

Portland? I hadn't heard that. I always assumed the city was a mishmash of various large American cities, mostly New York but with bits of Chicago (such as local ballpark "Quigley Field") and others thrown in as needed. Officially the city's name is the disappointingly generic "Hillwood." I prefer leaving it unnamed.

THIS CONCEPT OF "WUV" CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!

Kevin Smith named his daughter after Harley Quinn? What am I saying, of course he did.

Personally I was never hoping for Helga and Arnold to get together in the show, mainly because they're nine years old. I never like romance stories among children. As they get older and Helga gets a better handle on her feelings, I could see it happening by, say, high school or so. As is made clear toward the end of…

Yes! The Hey Arnold! Thoughts On is here! Huzzah! And now, my thoughts on Thoughts On…

Portland, Oregon does not fluoridate its water. It periodically gets proposed and keeps getting voted down.

HEY, YOU! JOIN THE NAVY!

Top Gun apparently did pretty well for the Navy. Other than that, probably not.

I for one think there are far too few pro-warlord films these days.

The thing is, we could all probably predict every one of those plot points without the AV Club's help, so I suppose there's not much point in elaborating.

But we're never going to top the one where God nukes Japan to bring the little Christian boy's daddy home.