- Plaintiff's opening statement

Brought to you by Prescott Pharmaceuticals, no doubt.

For those curious, there are four other articles filed under "farts," comprising three flatulence-centric Great Job, Internet! entries and an episode of Survivor. This trailer remains the only thing filed under "boners," which is frankly astonishing.

My college friends and I, including two couples, once spent a weekend in a cabin by a lake, arriving on Friday the 13th. We had a lovely time.

What kind of switch are we talking about here? Because if it's one of those cool old-fashioned Frankenstein switches that take all your upper body strength to move, I don't think any of us could really say no.

Are there in fact people who voluntarily tweet out hashtags promoted by advertisers? Why… why would they do such a thing?

I'm supporting one party over another! That's the exact opposite of neutrality!

That guy over there! He's… no, wait, he's Charlie Chaplin. The mustache always gets me.

I know that my Facebook feed has been notably free of conservative-leaning news, but that's just because I unfriended my uncle Jerry.

I believe that the candidates I support would pursue better policies than the candidates I do not support, and plan to vote accordingly.

I discovered a bedbug in my apartment. Fuuuuuuck, this isn't going to be fun.

Indeed, I find that my level of interest in a comics event increases in direct proportion to the craziness of its premise. Hence my enjoyment of Spider-Verse and last year's Secret Wars. Heroes fighting each other? Meh. Heroes scattered across time and space in dozens of wacky alternate universes? Fuck yeah!

I agree, that would be more interesting and, as all things must be, more personally devastating for Spider-Man (although why a resurrected Gwen Stacy would want to hang out with the creep is beyond me).

If nothing else, the casting of Amanda Waller as a high school principal is the funniest thing in the goddamn world.

I got to my store too late to pick up all the freebies, but I got some of the big ones. As to Cap, I'm not sure how I feel about Hyrdra now being a blatant Daesh stand-in. Commentary on current events has always been in Cap's wheelhouse, but will it really be satisfying to have a superhero taking on a real-life threat…

Space blessings upon the anniversary of your expulsion from the womb!

They really like The Sims.

I don't think so. In this game you controlled one of four characters who bounced around the screen in little flying saucers surrounded by bubbles. One or more free-floating destruction bubbles was also bouncing around that could pop players' bubbles, and you had to deflect it with a short curved shield around your…

Little Fighter, GL Tron, and a weird multiplayer bubble-popping game whose name escapes me, aka the ridiculous shareware games my friends and I downloaded onto the science lab computers and would play in mini-LAN parties during lunch breaks at school.They were dumb, they were silly, they were magnificent. And then the…

True, but at this point expecting anything like close adherence to the original stories is a fool's errand.