Genuine trick question: so what were 'The Two Towers', then?

Ouch. http://www.thebigzoo.com/sh…

Better that than sticking a pencil sharpener in your dick.

My mind goes straight to Deputy Andy Brennan from Twin Peaks. Didn't Mark Frost write for Hill Street Blues as well? Maybe he once knew a policeman called Andrew.

I can't sing along to 'The Chalet Lines' without my voice cracking. Usually at, "They had the shows on till way after dark". I am a 35-year-old man who enjoys sports, but goddamn I love me some Belle & Sebastian.

Isn't there a similar David Simon quote about 'The Wire', that he just made the character of Kima a woman because he realised there weren't enough women in the cast? (I think he described her as "a man with tits"). Then again, Joss Whedon's answer to, "Why do you write such strong female characters?" is, "Because…

That's a cup of tea I'd admit to no-one.

I've just started re-reading 'The City and the City' again, and couldn't get over how audaciously simple the very first line is: "I could not see the street or much of the estate." It's a Borges two-page idea turned into a fantastic thriller, I love it. 'Embassytown' I found hard, but brilliant.

Another apocryphal story has it that after several minor members of the Inklings had read short poems out at one of their Oxford pub gatherings, Tolkien reached into his satchel and pulled out a thick wad of papers. Lewis lifted his pint of ale to his lips and muttered, "Here we go, more fucking elves."

China Mieville's Bas-Lag novels are a good attempt at counter-cultural fantasy, with trade unions and revolutionary politics galore. But they aren't, to my mind, his best work - get started on 'The City and the City', then 'Kraken' (if you know London well).

While I do love the misery of the opening lines, surely the MOST miserable triplet in the song is "You won't be happy with me / But give me one more chance / You won't be happy anyway."

Very thin puppet wires, very many puppeteers.

I've just read the Williams, and reminded myself of the Auden (you can find both here: http://www.english.emory.ed…. The Williams reads like a ten year-old has looked at the Auden twice and been asked to write his own version. Whereas the Auden manages to cram in banality and depth, lyricism and cynicism. I read it…

We have a thing in the UK where celebrities, after they release their branded perfume, clothes, jewellery and iPhone apps, branch out into releasing novels. I have a feeling that the first example was Naomi Campbell with a book about a model (called 'Swan' something) but it has reached its apotheosis/nadir with the…

Then American Graffithree.

American Graffitwo.

Did anyone actually watch it all the way through - you know, to check?  He might sit in silence from minute four through to minute twenty-six, then just do the end.

"I hope you see the point now, except - uh -  the point is inside you, so, well."

Adeel Akhtar would be stunningly good as the Doctor.  After Four Lions and Utopia (which became a bit ropey, although he was excellent throughout) I just wanted him to be in everything for ever.

Although it's unlikely that the official word from the Who camp would turn out to be, "Please welcome our second choice … Peter Capaldi!"