Giada De Laurentis looks like her mouth goes all the way around her head like that one Terry Gilliam animation from Flying Circus. It's fucking scary.

YES!

The Simpsons
Is the only thing to make me proud to be an American.

ROCK, FLAG AND EAAAAAAGLEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm Lemmy from when Motorhead was on the Young Ones and he faced off with a microphone that was at least a foot taller than him.

I assumed donut. They're messy, which = undignified.

His hair was perfect.

Or maybe they genuinely like the movie? That's fine, you know? I like throat singing, other people like autotune. We can all exist in the same world.

I think I like Mexican David Caruso even more than the regular one.

Why did that kid even give a shit about restructuring the school year? He's out of college already.

When he interrupted the girl, I totally expected him to say some variant of "now listen here, cunt!" Like, I expected it so much that I almost made it happen.

Why do all his paintings look like they were painted with vomit?

"You ever been with a girl, Forrest?"
"I sit next to them in my home economics class all the time."

It is my personal opinion that The Who Sell Out is the only Who album worth owning, but I listen to harsh noise and Yoko Ono so what the hell do I know?

My dad's 73 and he drives like a normal person.

Russian David Caruso would also be fun, if only for "DAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

I just want to tell you all that I once had a sex dream involving Edward James Olmos circa "Stand and Deliver". He was a Zen master and lived on a mountaintop and we ate Thin Mint cookies and fucked.

"What's the alternative to a scrunchy? Seriously. A barrete? A topsy tail?"

I'd want you to cover The Real Frank Zappa Book, but it's actually good, even though Frank is kind of a smug bastard, much as I love the shit out of him. I've read that book so many times, and I laugh my ass off every time.

Well sometimes we want to LAUGH, damn it! Laugh at old women with richer sex lives than our own!