Dr. Spirograph, my favorite one-off character.

Speaking of library terrors, I used to take out a book about the history of vampires, and it terrified my six-year-old self, but I'd still check it out again and again.

The X-Files music used to terrify me.

My cat likes to sit on people's shoulders like a parrot or a snake, only more adorable.

Yoko Ono has actually had some interesting work though, and has never had her own talk show.

Men were not meant to mate with ovens!

Whitehouse.

My English class junior year (of high school) had a bizarre, ironic obsession with John Stossel. Our teacher put a picture of him on the board emblazoned with the caption "What Would John Stossel Do?". We brought him up in every possible writing assignment and classroom discussion.

This just in: The Lincoln Squirrel has been assasinated.

Someone compared my writing to Harlan Ellison's once and it felt weird. I was afraid of being sued, to be honest.

Oh come on, you didn't go with the Chang Gang?

"All the Man that I Need" by Whitney Houston.

Down the basement….LOCK THE CELLAR DOOR!

Hoboken Hollow sounds vaguely similar to "the ol' Hong Kong handshake".

Just about every dream I have is pop culture-related, and that's a pretty sad commentary on my life.

As a pop culture/music obsessive/shut-in/nerd, it's hard to believe that I'm saying this, but, like Anne Frank before she got taken away by the Nazis, I believe that all people are basically good:

Why do you guys need to read AVC on your phones anyway? You can't wait until you get to work?

I have Philips earphones, that cover the whole ear, but don't have that weird plastic band connecting the two together.

@DorianMode: <3 for the OOIOO

"What language do you speak there?"
"Oh….you know, they just make it up as they go along. Yeah, that's why people from there are so hard to understand."