Since I'm a whippersnapper, a female, and on the internet, I decided to avoid any sort of Chris Hansen-worthy debacles or vomiting by hiding behind a Merzbow album cover.

I actually hacked my way through my first Bollywood movie a couple of weeks ago with my best friend. We were baffled by the whole thing. I kind of felt like I was in an all-singing, all-dancing Disney version of a William S. Burrough's novel.

Porn version: Snatchmen

Porn version:

Do you think I like this goatee? No! I do it for the look! I hate this goatee! Makes me look like a goat!

Well look, when the trailer says 'DeNiro, Pacino: What else needs to be said?' right in the beginning, it's a sure sign that no one's trying really hard.

His mother? Did she have an affair with President Taft?

I'm a hipster douchebag in training!

Was that an obscure reference or something? How would someone NOT get that?

Yes, I'm female. Hooray for ambiguous compliments!

As far as I'm concerned, the only music critic worth listening to is Mark Prindle.

I'm on in this place
An' I'll buy you a taste
Yew kin sit on my face
Where's my waitress?

I think that the Seinfels finale would have worked better if they all died in that non-Ted Danson plane, but the regular one is vaguely okay.

My dad watches the O'Reilly Factor every night.

I still want Coldplay and Manowar to do tribute albums to each other, but that would be just as good.

I've used both, and I don't like Macs at all. Maybe I just like to stick to what I know. Adventures are for assholes.

Jeff Foxworthy's voice-over credits
Isn't it sad that one of his only voice-over credits is "The Fox and the Hound 2"?

I guess I should've mentioned Rick Wright's name somewhere in my post, but I assumed that people would know that I was talking about the most-recently deceased member of Pink Floyd.

I thought the EXACT SAME THING.

RIP…
I love Pink Floyd, and he will be incredibly missed.