Holy shit, are you every girl I've ever had sex with?

Dude owns a Popeye's franchise, he's somehow doing better at life than myself.

I would buy the FUCK out of a Mariah Carey/Al Jourgensen album.

Also he actually called Mariah Carey "thrash" because he's some dumb hick who can't spell.

"Former American Idol Finalist" is a lot of words to say "Loser".

Ehh I'm usually swigging from a smuggled-in-fifth of Jim Beam during a movie so this probably won't bother me.

You'd figure rich Arab guys would rather just have sex with whatever girls get abducted "Taken" style and sold into white slavery……probably less chance of catching Hep C.

DUDE I GOT A LOTTA TABLES

The parents never actually went to trial but pretty much everyone on earth assumes they had some role in the crime (maybe not the actual murder but most likely the coverup).

Oh, great, I hope you'd say that. Great, let's kill ourselves. Let's do it.

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Since I don't want to bring up any of the one billion depressing-as-fuck things that are currently happening in the world, here is an old picture of my cat I found on my external hard drive earlier today:

You know you never can tell my Michelle.

Yeah OK Tom…….the Russians are definitely black balling you in Hollywood. Have you ever even seen one of your films?

I unironically want to meet that gentleman.

In today's world, that ability is probably prioritized above bullshit like "talking" and "walking".

……..


You may want to seek counseling for your child. I mean, who calls their dad "father"?! That's some serial killer shit right there.

I saw this Christmas-themed episode of Tales from the Crypt when I was like, 6 or 7 and it gave me nightmares for YEARS:

As a parent, are there other pieces of media (movies, songs, etc.) that you've endured countless times simply because they hold your child's attention for 20 minutes? That is sacrifice right there.

I'm watching the video for "Pony" by Ginuwine for uh…..reasons.