This is true
Deanna Troi sounds just like Robert Plant in "No Quarter" whenever she gets possessed by an alien intelligence (a plot that we'll see averages even more episodes per season than the typos per sentence in Handlen's review).

I tuned out…
…when Williams demanded Paul put Letterman's "thing" in his mouth.

Instead of going to Alabama, I watched Akira Kurosawa's sweltering summer noir Stray Dog.

Your mom's a quality exchange.

How else could Mr. Zimmern eat her? The way he does one thing is the way he does everything.

Instead of watching a Kurosawa film, I read some pretentious fuck's comment about a "sweltering summer noir." Thanks for sharing.

Justin is merely trying to appropriate Chewbacca's swagger, per his swagger coach.

Siobhan should do Helter Skelter
That's an easy one.

Shocked!!

Instead of commenting on this board, I fed homeless children and gave blood.

They are all watching tonight's Ford commercial on the studio monitors.

You never heard this from me, but Scott Savol whimpers like a girl when he's under the hose even more than Ace Young.

Criticize Mr. Il all you like for his gray utility shirt, Jewish uncle glasses, and vertical tuft of hair-perm. But my informants tell me that "Grapevine" is not only the top-selling single in North Korea right now; it's the ONLY single selling in North Korea right now. Kudos to Mr. Il for getting the last laugh.

Have no fear for Mr. Hackman's reputation; we release his Lowe's commercials theatrically in Vichy. They're his only work that can pass the censors.

I am quite positive the spray tanner fumes would have dominated. Quite positive.

I have no conviction, if that's what you mean. I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from American Idol.

I'm shocked…
Shocked!!…that they let Kim Jong Il perform on the show. But his cover of Heard it Through the Grapevine will no doubt sell well in North Korea. No doubt.

Have no fear for the late dent. He has a bright future ahead of him in our service. And we have plenty more where he came from.

Garden State isn't that bad
It did quite well in Vichy. Quite well.

Shocked!!