And if she can't be smart, she can at least be Miss Golden Globes. That, too, is a privilege reserved for the elite.

I don't get the "sinister" bit. Is he implying that Gervais is evil? That his jokes are foreshadowing a great tragedy?

He looks like a dessicated corpse on Boardwalk Empire, and that's with the benfit of makeup.

We all know it's only the Spanish speakers who get deported. Just like it's only the Spanish speakers who serve rich people food and drinks.

People can shove their PR shitstorms if he hurts himself, because they keep on watching his shitty show knowing that he's a big ol' coke snorter.

The kid is getting coached on being less creepy. It's gonna take a while.

About all I got is that Javier Bardem exposes himself deeply in some movie. I stopped reading after that.

Fat people are forbidden, by law, from having sex scenes on TV shows.

I'm a woman in my 30's and I've loved Bill Hicks since the early 90's. I still remember the sinking feeling I got when I found out he died.

I've got your ziploc bag full of 3oz vials of liquid substances right here…ifyaknowwhatImean.

A real Christmas present would be some Troy abs. Let's see some more of those.

Chuck Woolery used to host a game show that had a similar "guess the letters" concept as Wheel of Fortune. The grand prize was $1mil. There was one contestant who had this as his last clue, and if he guess it right he would win the million dollars:

No entiendes porque estan hablando mierda.

I read that as "feather in their crap", and now I'm said that that's not what you actually wrote.

He's pretty spot-on in calling Juliette Lewis "grubby" though.

And the entire Bush presidency.

I like when I'm at a doctor's appointment, explaining something Very Very Important related to my health, his pager goes off, he reads it, shuts it off, then turns back to me and pretends to listen but you can totally tell he's thinking of whatever he got paged about.

I immediately thought of Operator, by Jim Croce. Hits a sweet spot of needing to call the operator to find a number because the number on the matchbook is old and faded (also see: matchbooks, writing phone numbers on), using a payphone, and having the call cost a dime.

I hate everyone pre-emptively, that way I'm always the first to express withering disdain towards whomever the sheeple happen to like.

Blaffair…I am pretty sure I remember him saying that during his interview on Fresh Air.