I dunno. Trump kind of went after the Australian PM, although they got surfing, too.

When we were studying Swift in one of my courses, I let students choose a satirical text of their own to examine in an oral presentation. One basketball player, a German named Hans, chose "Short People." What makes it so funny," he told the class while barely stifling hysterical laughter, "is that it's so TRUE. Short…

He is actually very tall—not "little." He's an ornery big prick.

If there is anything that Family Guy ought to be ashamed of*, it's convincing a young generation that Randy Newman is a hack. When Seth MacFarlane can do something half as good as "Sail Away," then he can call himself a satirist.

Seeing that I am currently in Eastern Kentucky, this is a no brainer: AP-uh-LATCH-ee-a.

Let's do it.

My wife favors "pee-can." She is wrong. As my grandma used to say, "A pee can is what you keep under your bed at night." She was from way back in the country.

That's not an author "photo."

Each of the three illustrations in Slaughterhouse-Five represents a different equally-correct, equally-wrong POV that can get you through the day on occasion.

It made Madeline Freakin' Kahn unenjoyable.

Mother Night, with Nick Nolte.

Jerry Garcia bought the film rights to Sirens of Titan. One day a LONG time ago, I was listening to the Larry King radio show because Vonnegut was a guest. A caller asked about the Sirens of Titan film that Geraldo Rivera was supposed to be making. Vonnegut simply exhaled into his microphone with breath smelling of…

"Welcome to the Monkey House" is also rape-ier than you'd like.

George W. Bush adamantly took no responsibility for the shit he did before he turned forty. At the time, that sounded like a way to deflect questions about coke and booze. Now it sounds to me like an entirely reasonable position.

Is firing squad still an option for treason?

I like how he doesn't wear ties with his bespoke suits as a way of showing he's cool.

I'm not from North Carolina. Those motherfuckers are assholes.

North Carolinians love it when you point out how much better you do it where you come from. Just go to a barbecue joint made of cinder block where they give you paper towels instead of napkins. Take one bite of your sandwich and then say, "This is disgusting! The way we do it in Texas …."

That seems like the civilized thing to do.

A1 sauce?