A Werner Herzog text-to-speech app needs to made ASAP.

In Memorium: Jon Lovitz

MvP: Requiem

Watch out for those Alligot-ors. They can bite, and are faster than you would think.

This is frightening, because literally Monday I told my wife I needed to go back and memorize some of these so I always had a non-sequitur to fall back on for questions. This truly is a Great Job, Internet!

A delicious cheddar wall.

God it's depressing, isn't it? At least Illinois (stupid FIBs) is so blatantly corrupt, no one from there can rise to power.

That sucks; it has been buggy for me, but not to the point where it won't even open. Maybe try turning off your wireless/cell connection and loading it, just to see if it opens.

Fair enough. Maybe they should re-issue it and just call it Power Ranger Zords in order to keep the attention of all these millenials.

Sounds like a challenge:

Hey, same age! I haven't seen them but they sound awful. Half of the reason the books were so freaky was those goddamn illustrations that existed solely to prevent kids from sleeping for weeks.

I'm glad that authors and publication companies are continuing to put out works like this; after what happened with the pre-teen/teenage girls in Waukesha, WI, I was afraid that those with the power to produce this kind of content would shy away from YA horror. Some of the books I loved reading as a kid were the Scary…

The one my wife and I use far too often is from SuperTroopers:

I sail! I'm a sailor!

I love reading the pun threads, and I always want to contribute, but I always seem to come up short in comparison. I don't know if it is a lack of wit, or that because my brain makes bizarre leaps of logic in coming up with a pun no one else gets it, or something else entirely.

A college roommate of mine was fond of making Slow Comfortable Screws; Sloe Gin, Southern Comfort, and OJ. I preferred my own concoction of half a mug of cheap vodka and then filling it the rest of the way with Apple Pucker. And finally, a good friend preferred his drinks as, and I quote, "50% whiskey, and another 50%…

Milk was a bad choice.

Agreed 100%. Once before I was of age, I attended the wedding of a good friend's sister. I made the mistake of calling White Russians "girly-drinks" in the weeks prior to the wedding. My friend proceeded to order 4 of them for me over approximately one hour, the first two of which were doubles. Surprisingly, I took to…

Who's Line is it Anyway?, with Richard Simmons. That is all.

Did, uh, I just hear a briefcase opening?