The difference with those European machines is they're not automated. There's a real chef jammed in there who makes your pizza fresh to go. It's not a pleasant job, but with their economy people take what they can get.

I'm usually a proud pizza snob, but it's winter, and the desire for something warm, bready and slathered with grease and cheese has led to a lowering of my standards multiple times.

You still have to go in if you want to open a pizza checking account.

You guys have a chain called Pizza Pizza? Man, they really put in the work on that name, huh?

"Hi, I'm here to pick up my online order, but could you not shout out my real name please?"

Let's not find out.

"What's that?"
"Antidote."
"To what?"
"The pizza you just ate."

*sometime later, after a significant backlash concerning the pizzas' quality*

How is little Seared Scallops With Vinaigrette doing, by the way?

As a subplot, and as the bad guys. I need them to be my swaggering action heroes who don't play by the book but get results, damnit!

The worst one for me is taxi drivers. I give them the address I'm going to and they ask, "What's the best way to get there?" I don't know, man. I don't drive. I figured that you, a person who gets paid to drive from place to place every day of your life, might have some thoughts on the subject. I was not planning on…

"There you go son. A fine heterosexual haircut. You'll thank me on you wedding night."

How about two Subway queues? One for ordering the sandwich as is, one for building it from the ground up? With signs the size of fucking widescreen TVs so people have no excuse for being in the wrong line.

I have a feeling it would lead to a lot of older people completely lying and saying, "Well, when I did my mandatory customer service duty, we always allowed the customer to get an extra helping of bacon for free as long as they ordered a drink as well!"

And you went back the next day to thank him, but where the McDonalds had been there was only a vacant lot, which the locals said had been empty for over a decade…

Yeah, I'd regularly grab a little Hot-N-Ready throughout college, until the VD clinic said they were sick of seeing me in there all the time.

I bet there was some 90s X-Men writer at some point desperately trying to come up with new mutant characters who thought, "Pizza … maybe there's something we can do with that? He … turns things into pizzas maybe?"

You don't have to fuck him, but it's considered good manners.

With a pocket for warming marsh-mallows.

Conflating it with genius might go a step too far, but I'm all for supporting a broad range of film consumption (and books and TV and music…). There seems to be an increasing level of tribalism amongst film fans - look at the petition to shut down Rotten Tomatoes because of bad reviews for 'Suicide Squad' - that has…