It's like they're making him sign a EULA just to buy a pizza.

The importance of fructose cannot be overstated.

Sniglets.

When I heard about it, all I wanted to do was chase 2 bars of Xanax down with a bottle of red wine and listen to Dead Can Dance.

I may be in the minority on this but until he grew his hair out he kind of reminded me of the guy from The Equalizer. No way he's going to get elected now.

It's almost as if they couldn't make enough pickle relish and had to shut the whole thing down before he drove to Orlando.

Cruz would have been a 21st-century Nixon.

I'm calling it right now: Trump names Cruz as his running mate. Within the next 30 days. Mark my words!

Mother, May I Canoodle With Calamity?

His Richard Dreyfus impersonation is so good it's eerie.

His Richard Dreyfus impersonation is so good it's eerie.

11. Hella Fitzgerald

Stay gold, C-3PO's arm. Stay… gold…

It's a slang thang… a slizzang thizzang

Mentos: Das Fraschmacher

LinkedIn
Gwen has endorsed you!

Okay, wait… I'm at the Starbucks! (No, you ain't!)
I'm at the Arby's! (No, I'm over here!)
I'm at the combination Starbucks and Arby's! Where you at?

I'll take "Things You Don't Want to See at a Picnic" for $200

I thought they moved it to Tulsa.

And now, a toast: to the Chowder Society!