Gail looked like three gorgeous watermelons in that delightfully low-cut dress.
Did anyone else notice Nick's mom flinch when he leaned in to kiss her at dinner? Maybe they're just not a kissy family …

So the abandonment, drinking/trash-talking all-nighter, and making out with his friend's wife is TWO WEEKS after the fact? What is the first LW planning to do, wait two weeks after every argument for the rest of her life to see if he's really over it? DTMFA.

That man's name? Lard Ass Hogan.

Just went to an exceptionally nice sex shop this weekend, and I have to ask: Who the hell has enough money to throw around on sex toys that they can add on a dick sheath as a "ha ha, wouldn't this be fun" casual purchase? Quality toys are not cheap.

Dick sheath + cock leash = keeping his dick in the loop.

I lost my virginity to my also-a-virgin boyfriend in high school. It was also, as SFB endearingly put it, beyond awesome, and also, as Sean Jungian observed, the culmination of several months' messing around. It also didn't hurt. I imagine if you had a rupture-able hymen, it would put a damper on the whole experience.…

"I would do you if you had turnip tits!"

As the mother of two two-year-olds, I can tell you that their soiled diapers and a 14-year-old boy's soiled diapers would look and more importantly smell VERY different. (I'm assuming he's actually crapping in these diapers.) If an adult/teen threw in their diapers with the toddlers', it would be … apparent.

The B … is for bargain.

More importantly, glad you're back :)

I don't think a general "just get out more" helps anyone. I've moved to new cities, let's see, six times now, and it's hard everywhere to break into a new social circle, partly because so much of life now is spent indoors by ourselves or with people we already know. It doesn't mean you're an awful person, and I don't…

I'm guessing "roughhouses" means "treats my boobs like rotary-dial telephones."

I agree — hopping on Craigslist and soliciting blowjobs from male strangers is the nuclear option. Did he exhaust all his other options first, or was "no blowjobs" an excuse to do something he really wanted to do?

Given that the photo LW #2's boyfriend of three years sent him (after two years of online dating) shows that his looks are only "average," what are the odds that a.) that's the best photo he's got, b.) the photo was taken 5+ years and/or 30+ pounds ago, and c.) it's not even his photo?

Thank you for asking for the follow-up, K. Thrace, and thanks for providing, On_2. It sounds like dating a recently divorced man is like giving a toddler an ice-cream cone and watching them try to figure out how it works (except they're also critiquing it for the ways in which it is not an ice-cream sandwich).

Nature reserves off-trail, seconded. Watch out for snakes!

God, that greeting *was* awful. Well, ignore my slight bristling (I'm bi and have been married to a man for almost 10 years; still identify as bi, even though on the surface it's a lot stranger for me to do so than it is for a woman currently dating another woman). Your use of "exacta" cancels out any (mis)perceived…

"SatelliteHimternet" makes me laugh every time I see it. "Mr. Fate" is an awesome counterpart, too (another commenter used it once and I didn't bother to correct), but, let's face it, the name's just not as clever as your version. Brava.

'What, "bisexual chicks" call themselves that when they're with a woman?' Yes. You're not suddenly straight- or lesbian-identified just because you're with a man or a woman regularly or monogamously. The equivalent would be identifying yourself as asexual because you're not attracted to anyone in particular right…

I guess in theory a bunch of guys could be fantasizing about their friend's unattractive girlfriend screaming their names when she comes, but probably those readers with friends whose girlfriends are hot (or more accurately whom they consider "hot") would be more likely to cast those girlfriends as the LW. Whether the…