Did she bring those condoms back to you for a refund?

That’s a whole lot of trouble and cost...not very practical.

A good solid kick in the balls is all it would really take.

Now you know why many, many guys are reluctant to fuck chicks PiV. They can use the asshole or the mouth with a lot fewer problems.

Why not? You might both get off on it.

“This is the same guy who thought oral sex in the 21st century was taboo and kinky.”

.One obvious solution...don’t fuck dudes! Chicks are safer.

Hold on here! You mean you fucked a guy that you thought needed to wear a safe? Was he dirty or oozing? Did his cock smell like a disease of some kind? Don’t you use birth control?

Did you get fucked when you were walking?

She was obviously a deranged cunt! You should have stuck a stick up her ass!

And it had been in his backyard the whole time.

Meredith, are you by any chance salad? Hint, hint.

Somebody int he office will definitely quip “Who is Salad”?

Every queer in the world has had a fruit salad for breakfast at least once.

The big question I have is “how you gonna make the bitch drink your cum from the condom unless you take it off”?  Oh...my mistake.  I overlooked the word “consensual”.  I guess she has to beg you to take it off and facialize her.

Yeah, but let’s face it...you’d give almost everything you own to be able to bury your face in Madonna’s pussy and asshole...just one time!

Because it’s fucking ridiculous and plays well only to shitholes.

Make women only legally be able to take it in the asshole. I guess that would work for you, amirite?

Unfortunately, “wrapping it up” takes too much time, costs to much money and kills any and all spontaneity. The only answer is to outlaw regular fucking and make it legal for women to only take it in the asshole or the mouth.  Life would be so much simpler.

Yeah...because they like to...but now there is one thing they don’t have to worry about. With intermittent seating...by chairs and rows...nobody has to worry about getting the “PeeWee Herman” treatment. You know, where some guy sitting behind you in a oversized trench-coat blows a stream of jism all over the back of…