Frankly, I'd be surprised if the Jenner girls have ever read a book.

Smith and Bieber always look like they're going to fart.

This is the same useless narcissist who wears "Don't Be Poor" tee shirts. I think Paris Hilton is a grotesque waste of oxygen.

And that awful, greasy hair.

I am 63 years old. I laughed so hard I wet my pants. Makes me wonder kind of sound Jason would make if he actually learned how to do a quad.

I agree. They should have picked Jeremy Abbott for this.

If Evgeny Plushenko had Chobani he'd still be skating.

Wait till you look in the mirror without makeup at age 63 (like me). Holy shit.

She's Marie Antoinette and he's Louis Whatever. Off with their useless heads already.

Why the hell are toys so obnoxious these days? When did the toy industry decide it was mandatory for girls to be princesses? When I was a kid I had Tinkertoys and (my favorite) Rig-A-Jig building sets. They weren't targeted to any gender and my little sister and I absolutely loved them. With Rig-A-Jig we built a…

Sorry, ladies. He need a nose job.

Here's something that's definitely anti-Russian: Evgeny Plushenko needs rhinoplasty. Every time he blows a kiss at the judges (he thinks he's really sexy) I pee in my pants. They don't call me Aunt Pee for nothing, you know.

If that's a woman, I've lived too long. Holy shit.

And a shower curtain, a doorknob, light bulbs and a functioning toilet.

Poor little dude. He sure looks uncomfortable, doesn't he?

Feel de rhyme ...

Cruella DeVille, 2014. Holy shit.

Personally, I'd just love to hang out with Maggie Smith. Period.

I suggest "fucked up."

I'm a B cup. Trust me, sweetie ... you're BIG.