I'd trade all of my scary middle-aged wisdom for the flawless ass I had when I was in my 20s.

#notallAmericans

I need to finish Margaret Atwood's The Year of the Flood this weekend, if I have time. Her follow up, Maddaddam, is finally coming out in paperback later this month.

This has been on my "to buy" list. You just convinced me and my burgeoning perimenopause to make it a priority.

I follow a whole foods/plant based diet. I've been in a relationship for several years with a guy who lives on coffee and cigarettes, with a few fast food burgers and pints of ice cream thrown in when he's starving. He's just not interested in food. He finds something to eat when I drag him to healthy restaurants -…

All the sighs. My ass is the only area of my body that's really showing my age (47). It looks like some doughy Eastern European woman's butt that you'd see in old timey pictures of ladies at the spa.

Which was one was the "cute" Van Patten? The one who was in ROCK 'N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL or the one who was in CLASS OF 1984? I wasn't that impressed with either of them, lookswise.

Same thing happened when my cat got old - she'd become hyperthyroid, so I got her all this expensive, healthy stuff. She refused to touch any of it, and she'd become so thin I was worried. In the end, Fancy Feast was the only thing she'd even try to eat. My vet said it was okay.

This was an amusing piece until the oh-so-thinky end of it. Please. The only sense of exclusion from a lifestyle of clean, healthy eating you're feeling is coming from within.

I'm 47. I've never felt the urge to have kids, either. I don't particularly like them, and I've never regretted my decision to not breed. I'd feel guilty if I'd had kids and then resented them. No shame in doing what's right for you.

If you view it as a dark comedy, it is. James Franco may be a pretentious dil IRL, but he was genius in it.

I'm curious about what's in this one. I've stayed away from Teavana's chai blends ever since I tried one, and was slammed in the tastebuds with all their artificial cinnamon flavoring.

Mine have been pierced (8 gauge barbells) since the late '90s. They used to get very sore during PMS week, and piercing them actually helped make them a less sensitive. The only real drawback is how they look through a shirt if I'm not wearing a bra - it's as if I have three nipples on each boob.

Starbucks bought Teavana a few years ago, didn't they? So Oprah's chai will be - what? Another loose-leaf Teavana blend of mediocre black tea and chemical cinnamon? I'll stick with my Gyokoro Genmaicha.

Uh... I did this last year (also outside a San Diego grocery store). When the girl asked me on my way in, I politely declined. When she asked again five minutes later on my way out, I snapped. "I JUST SAID NO," I yelled, and harumphed away.

Yeah, my eyes rolled hard at that.

The whole season was a disappointment, and without Angela Bassett or Kathy Bates the finale just sucked. Myrtle's "Balenciaga" one-liner wasn't even creatively campy - just predictable. And the Stevie Nicks opener brought me back to the early days of MTV - not in a good way.

More like a nice Japanese Sencha.

You are truly living the dream.

How can anyone be anti-masturbation? Along with dark chocolate and cats, it's the only thing that makes life worth living.