FWIW, the way I do tips in a jiffy:

That third item, with Chao and McConnell, should be top-of-the-front-page news in every paper in America, and it should end the turtle’s political career.

One word: dementia.

You just outlined the 2020 strategy.

“I went to Buckingham Palace, Daddy! Will you love me now?”

Anyone not white, male, and filthy rich who supports Donald Trump is a goddamn idiot.

Those look like Inauguration-level crowds, no question.

On Monday I emailed the Blues’ media relations department to ask about the circumstances behind the Enterprise flag’s inclusion in the color guard, was forwarded to their public relations department, then promptly ignored. I went to Enterprise, but was paralyzed for a few minutes by indecision over whether I should…

I like that you’re down here in the cheap seats with us.

His other hair was out for cleaning, that’s all.

Real “we’re all headin’ over to Gary’s to look at his new chest freezer” energy.

Don’t touch that. NEVER touch that.

“Trash”? Do I not see “nice try”? I’m not a lip reader, but...

Still not as good a deal as the Trader Joe’s pearl necklace.

Let’s put aside, for a moment, the question of why anyone is buying a diamond ring for pushing half a million dollars at Costco.

The most prominent, Charles Milite, once told New York he decided as a child that he wanted to be wealthy after watching the post-apocalyptic movie Soylent Green, where the sole rich character dines on steak instead of liquified people. “I decided then and there I wanted to be the person who ate steak,” he said.

If she was aiming for the catcher, it’s one of the worst throws ever.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Withdrawn. Fair response.