http://www.ctvnews.ca/business/is-pi… CANADA HAD IT FIRST.

A previous era has ended, and a new era has dawned. Welcome to your first staff post!

Oh they do. She's only just over a month old.

Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Shame can make people do crazy things. I knew a man, a (now very much former) family friend who was a teacher. He raped a student multiple times. She only told the police years and years later after her mother died because she was so ashamed.

My newborn niece lets rip some righteous farts. All the time. They're wonderfully hilarious.

Yeah, I've seen some of their "sex tips" and they just seem like a recipe for injury and self-loathing.

*gasp* NOT THE BEARDS! ANYTHING BUT THE BEARDS!

Uh, no. She didn't speak to him after that, because she was too embarrassed.

Turn her around? GENIUS! The next time I have sex with a woman who doesn't like me, I'll play peek-a-boo and that should solve all our sexual problems! It's totally not because she doesn't like me, it's that I need to hide myself from her vision and just be a floating penis!

When she was young, my roommate did a tip like that with her boyfriend at the time. He ended up in the hospital.

Honestly? Don't stress about your virginity. If it really gets your goat, do what I did: don't go for a relationship and just find someone to sleep with. Up your confidence level that way, and be patient for the right one to come along. I'm 30 and I'm still single, but I'm way less stressed than I used to be.

"I'm not surprised - most of the Comic-Con audience are sexist, non-bathing neckbeards still living in their mom's basement. " That's a really awful, untrue stereotype and you should be ashamed of yourself. I'm not kidding.

MY BRAIN. MARK, WHERE DID YOU PUT THE MIND BLEACH?

But she's our happy racist great-aunt! Where else are we going to get her comfort cooking and subtle racist jabs? WHERE?

Yo Gabba Gabba is a show you can look at and understand it was made to be crazy and weird and fun. You want to stare in the eyes of madness? Watch the Bubble Guppies. CAMPFIRES UNDER WATER. MER-PEOPLE THAT CANNOT SWIM DOWN FROM UNDERWATER TREES. FIRE TRUCKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. IT'S MADNESS.

I had one of those. It was so garishly beautiful.

Thankfully, my niece has excellent parents in both my brother and his girlfriend and both of my parents and their wealth of experience. My brother and his girlfriend live in parents' house, and so there are basic precautions taken (like putting special handles on the door, because my niece can open doors now) and…

At least it's not the hellish nightmare that is Bubble Guppies. Seriously, what kind of Satan-spawned world do they live in, where they have underwater trees they can't swim down from and campground fires at the bottom of the ocean? Fire trucks they drive around on tires with non-pressurized doors? BUBBLE GUPPIES…

Yo Gabba Gabba is awesome, and so far one of the few new kid's shows I have seen that I can stand.