There are a couple shows out there with parentless kids running around (the one I can recall right now is Max and Ruby) and it's hilarious coming up with theories of what happened to their parents. For instance, I figure Ruby is such a control freak that she has her parents locked up in the basement and only allows…

My experience so far, as an older brother of a family of four kids and an uncle to four more... be firm and say no. If they throw a tantrum, sit them on a chair for five minutes. If they start whining and screaming, ignore them but keep an eye out if they try something.

NO. TRIBOOB LADY IS A FAKE?! SAY IT AIN'T SO!

The smart ones? My niece (at almost two years old) understands that my beard is hair but different than the hair on my head. My nephew, from that age until now (he's over four, now) is convinced that my beard is a merkin of some sort.

I was born in '84 and the only things I had to watch was Sesame Street, Transformers, and Star Wars. I didn't even get to make friends until '88, when we moved into the city so I could start school. My first real person crush was this absolutely charming, beautiful girl in my class when I was in grades 4-8 (so,…

My first crush was Princess Leia, if it makes you feel any better.

Well, you wouldn't get it from any other guy.

OK, that said, I think without the really weird computer stuff thrown in for no apparent reason, I actually like the look of the dress and the colour scheme.

I immediately thought "Documents!" Also, that "3G" on the dress? Is her dress a wifi hotspot?

At least they don't know about your monogrammed coffee thermoses.

I know how you feel. I'm like Good Luck Chuck in real life. I've seen multiple women either set up a date with me or go on a date with me, and then immediately find someone they fall head over heels with. I'm as alone as ever, but one girl I dated a couple years ago and remained friends with is engaged, a couple…

Apparently when they started smelling funky they would wash them in the sink or wear a towel/sheet and wash them before going to bed.

I would watch David Fincher's OK Killer or Plenty of Flesh or eHarmony Hunter or The Match.com Murders. I would watch a lot of David Fincher stuff, OK?

Autoplay videos damage my soul.

HIGH FIVE FOR IMPULSIVE SPOILERS! I try so hard not to sometimes, but you can't believe how excited I was at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy (the last spoiler-ish thing I watched) and I had to share it.

I KNEW IT. She's angling to become the world's foremost creature makeup/costume designer, and this is her ticket in! KEEP GOING, YOU INSPIRING WOMAN!

IT'S DETACHABLE SO SHE CAN HIDE HER DEMON-SUMMONING SPELL COMPONENTS IN IT. GIRL'S GOTTA HAVE THE ABILITY TO SUMMON DEMONS AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE.

JAMES FRANCO. Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop. We know you're pretentious. Really, we do. Just go Beef yourself and cover your head in a paper bag screaming about how you're not a celebrity. Then paint artistic nudes of Seth Rogen for your personal collection, and disappear. Please.

I remember being at Pure Speculation (a speculative fiction festival where I live) and Peter Watts (a great Canadian writer) was speaking at it. He had an idea he told us about using octopuses to control the oceans and destroy the world. It was wonderful.

It's quite sad, isn't it? I hope my own eventual children get better teachers.