I had a friend the other day ask me to bring her food. I asked what she wanted, she said, "something delicious." So I tell her I'm leaving, she says, "Oh, don't leave now, you have to wait until I get home." How am I supposed to read your mind? There isn't even any physical or verbal cues over text!

OH GOD THIS. I have more than one friend who will just sit there and munch down on chips with their mouths open, spewing crumbs everywhere, and I always give them the sternest glare I can with the occasional "Can you please eat with your mouth closed?"

And to be fair, my hometown library system was voted Library of the Year at what amounts to the librarian's version of the Oscars, and was the first library outside the US to do so.

I would like to say this is not all libraries, but I can imagine some library systems being this way. My hometowm library system has spaces dedicated to 3D printing and digital rentals.

He's 30-something.

I've had some awful poutines too (McDonald's makes the worst poutine I've ever had) but a good poutine place, even if it's a hole in the wall, will never make a poutine with bad gravy.

His attitude throughout (if you read that carefully) points to why they might just dump the steak in the deep fryer. Besides which, it would be faster, leaving more room on the grill for steaks of people who actually care how their steaks are done.

You've had the wrong poutine, my friend. A real poutine is fresh fries, a nice flavourful vegetable gravy (that's not canned), and cheese curds. And cheese curds aren't "badly made cheese".

Put it in a bag and squeeze it out.

He's free to order his steak how he likes it. We're free to make fun of him for it.

Well, he can enjoy eating what practically amounts to a lump of coal, but we are free to ridicule him for it.

Poutine may not LOOK delicious, but goddamn it IS delicious.

NO. NO. That abomination is NOT poutine.

That's pretty much exactly what she's said to him (and other people have said) but then he gets all mopey and "MY MOOOOOM DIED, YOU GUYS."

I had a woman I used to romp around with go on and on about her new boyfriend and how after a couple months they were already thinking about marriage and whatnot. She hasn't even kissed the guy. I can't help but feel like she's going to be disappointed when they get married.

I would rather have pretty much any combination of lettuce/cabbage and a variety of other greens than that weed. I'd probably rather eat dandelion leaves.

My mom made salad with kale in it for dinner one night. There was other things too, but I take a bit of everything. I sit down and start munching on it. It tasted like week-old lawn weeds. I said, "So... this is kale."

Now I know why Bugs always passes through Albuquerque but never stops.

No, no, the plural of fox is fix. (Kidding! It's actually foxes.)

I have never cohabitated with a girlfriend (I'm 30). Does that make me weird?