No we’re not headed toward just buying poop, because we love chewing and swallowing, as long as it’s not bitter or stringy or slimy. What we’ll pay to do less of is any preparation or cleanup beyond opening a package or throwing a package away.

This puts the avocado next to the packaged meat and packaged cheese and packaged side dish and packaged salad in the refrigerated section where people who buy profitable products shop. They’re selling avocado for $3 to the person who’s never paused in the produce department. It’s extra profit for that bagged salad,…

It really does beg for a primer-black wrap.

Hackers was such a crushing disappointment. It’s disappeared-into-a-sinkhole bad. Disavow bad. “What, Hackers? I don’t remember, who was in it? Angelina Jolie? Yeah, I guess. I liked the soundtrack, but I don’t really remember the movie.”

But that’s the color minivan mom bought. And the insurance company wouldn’t pay for a color change no matter how many panels got keyed.

Shake every last drop out of that PEEOTUS joke — it expires on Friday.

It’s because I was negative when everyone else was positive and I connected too many in series. No, really. I’m the killjoy post. Thank you for noticing.

Just tell them not to.

No, liberals make too many people ashamed of these institutions, that’s how they destroy things!

That won’t work. He’ll see all of them as one slight, as they are.

They don’t see it as whining. They see it as ridiculing. They love it. Nobody lays down the wicked burns like Trump!

There will never be a week in which Trump doesn’t do at least one thing more worthy of slamming than his SNL pouting.

A dozen monkeys couldn’t screech as loudly or fling as much shit as he does.

It has helped me to realize that I only need one rant, no matter the news:

Eric Cartman would have prevented this.

You gotta go with the flow, man.

Lately people are so obsessed with electron-related news — nothing but negativity.

Ohm my gawd, they only built eight, at a million bucks per, the last in 2014— if you even believe this private company’s claims. So this is hardly current news. And it’s not like there’s a huge potential difference in acceleration performance between cars this expensive and rare. Tom should discharge his…

How much of the 80% is the Russian propaganda campaign?

Trump underperformed among white people?