This doesn’t offend me as a Jewish person, but it offends me as a comedian.

Bless you, sweet stranger, for asking. I was about to urban dictionary that shit.

Show me on the doll where Taylor touched you.

Oh I came down here hoping to find out the same.

These ladies with the straight-ass lace fronts

im sorry, you dont know fonzworth bentley? puff daddys former umbrella holder? please educate yourself on early 2000s pop culture

Whoever the hell Fonzworth (lol) is, he’s right. Kanye’s been on a steady decline since his mother died and it’s apparent he’s blamed himself for her death.

In other times this would upset me, but now I’m like, if she apologizes it’s for PR purposes, and nobody’s perfect and it’s not good me to feel angry when there’s so much worse shit happening.

Lemme guess: Cooper’s pad is one of those super-modernist deals with open staircases, railings that a toddler could fall through quite easily, and lots of windows that open floor to ceiling.

I’m so fucking sick of people trashing Madonna. You don’t like her, fine whatever. But I don’t get why it’s ok to call her old, ugly, washed up, crazy, trying to hard...it’s MADONNA. She hasn’t changed who she is almost 40 years and she’s not going to. As women we should applaud her for not giving in to the constant…

“Just because my background is what it is — I’m not that type of individual, and neither is my son,” he said. “I don’t want to see my son be a victim also.”

He’s tall, dark and handsome, he plays for De La Salle, there’s a lot of girls that want to be with my son.

On the one hand, I do feel a smidge of pity for some of these people. On the other, fuck them. I’m a poor white person who needs change too, but I’m also neither a bigot nor a fucking idiot so I’m really over the “poor white people just wanted change!” narrative. It feels patronizing and infantalizing. The only people…

I can’t feel sorry for them either. Trump never at any point told them how he’d build the damn wall, and clearly these people have a...negative, like -% understanding of politics and diplomacy. It’s all very simplistic. It’s all very student council president: “I’m going to make the school lunch people serve us pizza…

“But but rich people won’t steal! And he has nice daughters!”.

Yes, they can!

I, for one, am shocked, shocked to find that Trump is a lying con man. Nobody could possibly have known.