We need to think about things that get us distracted from the horrible things that are happening now on this planet.

No. No. And HELL NO!

I like eggnog, but one of the many things I wasn’t told about getting older, along with the fact that I would cry when I saw my first gray pube, is that it’s common to become lactose intolerant. So even though I enjoy eggnog, I have to weigh its deliciousness against the fact that a cup of it will send me racing to…

No, I don’t want no Scruggs
A Scruggs is a wife that can’t get no love from me.

And the award for the best “Kristin Stewart circa 2015" cosplay goes to:
<drum roll>
Katy Perry! <cheers>

I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Mandy Moore. I’m glad is doing well and seems happy.

Robert Pattinson and Emma Watson might be a couple, and I, an expert, think they’re a bad match.

I’d be super comfortable being a size six, but these thunder thighs are all about progressive attitudes and other body types. It’s definitely political and not genetics combined with a penchant for cookies.

My mom does that with chips. Chips are the worst.

Ugghh people do that to me all the time and I take pizza orders! I get that you’re hungry but maybe stop the constant grazing for the literal one minute you are on the phone with me?

No actual hate whatsoever for the two of them, they look gorgeous and in love.

I give parents who travel a lot throughout their children’s lives a pass. I can’t imagine having to put children of different ages in a new school system every year or so. Also with her kind of money, professional teachers are surely involved so it’s more of a one room schoolhouse situation than homeschooling as we…

Oh GROSS they look so in love and happy, ugh. Yuuuuuck.

I work in an art museum. Chuck Close called one day to talk to my boss and proceeded to chew food into the receiver the entire time I was on the phone with him. It was disgusting. He’s a gross person in more ways than one.

Everyone knows you don’t mention Sandra Lee in the cards. Otherwise someone might read it out loud, thus summoning her to the center of your tablescape where she won’t leave until she has imbibed every last drop of alcohol in your home, including your blood if you’ve already had a beer or two.

Hot Taek: The Sandra Lee tablescapes are ugly af. I mean what is this?

I’m suspect about any on air male that wears a wedding band.

Yea I’d also bet this is a loophole for infertile religious types. I’ve always found the IVF using but anti-abortion types to be very hypocritical, but donating would put them in the clear.

It’s worth noting that they have a strict “No faggots” policy.