Do not fuck with old ladies.

ETA: My gut feeling, as a fellow crazy person, is that your sister MIGHT HERSELF be developing one of the many mental illnesses that show up in your mid/late 20s if this is a sudden change/escalation in behavior. Absolutely talk to her boss and your doctor.

Are you willing to cut off your family? Because my first thought would be to contact the police myself and ask for advice. "My sister is acting irregularly, and recently claimed to have illegally accessed my medical files. She told me that if I reported her or talked about this to my own doctor, she would file a…

WHOA WHOA WHOA. She, AS A DOCTOR, illegally accessed your medical records? That is so not-okay that my head is spinning. She really shouldn't be able to maintain her license if she's behaving that unethically toward her own sister.

I don't know which is worse, the unrepentant killer or the man who insists to the end that he meant well.

You know you done fucked up when your own mother is happy you weren't home for Thanksgiving.

the one on the right triiiied to hold it together

"What was it like, raising these two?"
"It has not been easy." and then later, "I know we have to take responsibility for them."

I'm ROLLING.

She's so embarrassed by those two. That's the glorious part of all this. You can just picture her sitting there watching this, afraid the neighbors are all seeing her children duke…

You could actually see them turn into eight-year-old boys over the course of the segment. So good.

I wish every single pundit/politician on earth lived in fear of their mom calling them publicly on their shit.

I always carried a tiara in my purse because you just never know when the occasion will call for one.

So, let me get this straight: Missori cops want to punish black men for putting their hands up and saying "Don't shoot." Hrm.

Throwing garbage out of car windows. Not a cigarette. Like oh I'm done with ____ rolls down window and tosses. I dated a girl who did this and was so instantly turned off because I actually didn't know grown up humans did such things.

Couldn't agree more! The eyes are a big tell as well.

Don't they need permission to write a movie about me? I NEED A LAWYER.

Shouldn't the Eagles' PR staff have some sort of policy against their players following other teams?

I'd say Oedipus had LESS family drama. Luckily, nobody has stabbed their eyes out but the psychological wounds have to deeper than the Marianas Trench at this point..

It would be a pretty sweet logo.

growing out our leg hair to ever more luxurious lengths