This young man with the prominent neck tattoo is learning to make good choices. Good for him.

Well what would you have us do then, to counter the intolerant rhetoric and regressive policies of modern conservatism? Show up to vote in every off year, down ticket and local election- the very level our lives are affected the most? That’s fucking crazy talk.

Couldn't pay me enough.

They don’t call them “son jokes”.

Well, at least he can always turn to his faith for comfort in times of- oh wait

#blindsquirrel

Sorry but does the L stand for Lorde? Because she’s all I can think about after that. Seriously: she won. The Battle of the Capitalizing on the Death of a Helluva Rockstar (jk, it was inevitable). Time, and quaaludes and red wine....

Apples and oranges are almost equally delicious.

Plus: did you even know you knew more than 20 Bowie songs? Dude was more prolific than Elton John. He was the fifth Space Beetle. Even Pink Floyd is fucking impressed.

Darwin would’ve killed to be where we are now: watching a species splinter a bit into a new phylum of predator/prey symbiosis, so good is Curry’s game. Right there in Houston. I mean, he probably would’ve shot himself once he realized he was in Houston, but.

I don't even care that I had to get a step ladder to even look at this one

Say what you will, but those eyebrows are on freak.

It’s no Chaucer, but I’ll allow it.

Asahi would be smart to refund them unconditionally, give them a $500 gift certificate, and issue a statement about their commitment to kaizen.

“Who is...Pasquinel?”

Traveled.

Got a problem with the founding fathers’ vision of democracy, motherfucker?

That is pretty good.

I’d kiss ‘em. I mean, if she'd let me. Like maybe on the third date.

Won't get burned if you roll with the Vichyssoise.