In the future, I’ll be sure to say “human tire fires” or “ambulatory ongoing dumpster explosion” to avoid any confusion. But hey on the topic of race I think we can all 100% agree that the Bellevue police department would NOT have let any non-white-persons mug for their mugshot. So there’s that.

It really is universal. I mean look at episodes of Cops. Where CAN’T you film an episode of Cops? Nowhere, that’s where.

I know nothing of you but what you have written and our background have little in common other than our skin color but if I were younger, I’d try very hard to connect with you based solely on your prose. You make me swoon. Please write more - about the weather, about that gross signature food at Reds games (some type…

People are actually smaller when measured in metric. It’s why many non-Americans are perfectly content with compact cars. Pictured below is a typical Italian schoolbus.

Oh fuck me. This is the very particular brand of lower middle class white trash Ohio seems to grow like it’s the only thing our soil supports. From the hard slick back ponytails to the Midwestern mommy facebook outrager version of the “I want to talk to the manager, never mind lets beat some ass” haircut, Sams club…

I’m holding out hope that the DA will whip these photos out for sentencing... nothing says “please throw the book at me” like a smug, shit-eating grin in your mugshot.