I tried it once a few years back. Some woman in my book club turned out to be a raging anti-choice, anti-gay asshat. Oh, and anti-birth control. Leave it up to God! But I was all, well - it’s book club and maybe it’s good to have different views and maybe something I say will give her pause to think.

I don’t have a lot of friends for two reasons: I am awkward as hell, and I don’t put up with this kind of bullshit. If you start spouting off this kind of nonsense, I shut it down and remove myself from the situation. I’ve cut family members out of my life for this kind of shit, so why wouldn’t I do the same for…

Your mom is everything.

You really need to lay down an electronic trail of FILTH. Just the most extreme stuff ever, and watch your parents for reactions.

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

My mom and stepdad were hanging out with some friends whom I never met. Came home at curfew and smiled as they introduced us.

Embarrassing but God they sound like they adore you.

I’ll top that! Two different tantric sex books, one on either side of the bed, both with notes taken in them.

Um yep I was home for a visit last summer, and went into my mom’s dresser to borrow a pair of socks.

My birthday is April Fool’s Day.

When I was going to be a freshman in college my mom randomly told the Best Buy sales associate (male, naturally) we were buying a computer from that I would be starting college as a virgin. “How often do you see that?” she asked. Probably never mom, or more specifically...no one else in the history of ever has thought…

Pinkham’s law.

We’re coming home along the Thruway and decide to stop at McD’s. There’s a woman and smallish kid in front of us getting huffy and I can tell this won’t end well. And in due time she starts yelling at the cashier, “Why is everything more expensive here? This is ridiculous! You’re ripping people off!” and so on, as the…

Absolutely not defending Starbuckshacker guy, but yeah, some manager at some point should have banned that fucker a long time ago. Managers can be the worst horrible customer enablers.

Dear dining public:

I’m a cold sweater too! I’m always sweating, and I’m rarely hot!

It was originally used only for sweat and then they figured out it works for hair and odor, too. So now they can charge more!

HOW ARE THERE NO GIFS OF TEDDY TALKING ABOUT HIS ‘BOYDLE’ FROM BOBS BURGERS

lol fuck off with this. there’s nothing wrong with having a nanny. there are shitty parents with nannies and shitty parents without nannies. this is malarkey.

Right? I feel pretty uncomfortable about this being spread all over the internet. The same way, I uncomfortable when a woman’s nip slip or crotch shot gets equal traction.